Monday, 7 March 2016

2016 New Year's Resolution



Every year I set up small goals for myself and find that I get small results. I also make these goals for someone else's benefit.  This year my first goal is that I am going to make this year, 2016, about me and what is good for me.  The thing is that I don't have people applying pressure on me to be someone or something in particular or do things a certain way.  It's me.  I am my own worst enemy at times.  I imagine how someone in my life wants me to be and try to live up to those expectations.
Now, that is the confidence I need!

As I look at my life - it's not a horrible life but it is a life with regrets.  I have moved through existence as if it's not about me.  Made decisions that not did not benefit me .  Since November I figured  I  knew what the next year of my life was going to be like and planned to those terms.   Then I  made a decision that I knew would be bad for me, but went with it because it was good for someone else I cared about.  And, so now I don't know what next week is going to look like.

2016: Year About Me
I follow rules and try to make everyone happy and still I have not gotten to where I wanted in life.  This is where this blogs comes in...I love to write.  Am I good? I don't know. I have not tried to really hone my art and envy those that try.  I always think I am not good enough or will mess things up but I have come to realize I am a survivor.  I have failed and faltered but I have not given up so why would now?

So, the year of 2016 for me is about me and discovering what I can do and who I can become.  Of course it sounds good to say it to myself but to say it out loud....well...it sounds bitchy and very self absorbed.  Like I am Kim Kardashianing it...selfies and all.

I decided  I would say it the first time to my cousin - who by family law has to love me anyway - and who knows 99% of me and still calls me her friend...and she said, "About. Fucking. Time."  It could be a very bad decision and you know what? At least I will know and have no regrets.   Mostly, the old me in there, is hoping that those in my life who can't support me will see the positiveness of it all and come to stand by me.

k (My Novelesque Life)

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