Friday, 19 August 2016
Free Flow Friday: Judge Thee
I miss the 5 year old (and younger) me. The fearless I am the "queen" of the playhouse me. Every day in kindergarten I would go to the playhouse for playtime. I would direct everyone on how to play "house" properly. And, oddly people complied. I sounded like I knew my shit. At times that part does come out but not as often as I would wish it would. It's like if I need that part to come out I have to "act" like that person rather than just, ta-da, I am confident and wise.
Would it surprise you that I was extremely thin as a child? I stopped eating because I couldn't eat. Now it makes sense that it was due to my anxiety, but at that time it was diagnosed. You could see how the bones in my kneecaps worked. I was called bony, and had battles at the dinner table. I think of it as one of my worst times. Would it surprise you to know I was scouted in a mall to be a model when I was a skeleton? I had the "look" - thin, eyes, cheekbones and "exotic" look. They wanted to pay for my lessons and everything. Being a bit more fearless at that time, I said "I want to be an actress, please." Suffice to say I did neither.
At 13 I was listening to opera and the symphony on CBC Radio while reading a book. I would write short stories, plays, and poems while acting out the scenes in my room. At 16 while most girls had celebrities of the month on their wall I had Marlon Brando. I didn't even like Marilyn Monroe because it was cool, but because I understand her childhood and how she evolved fascinated the writer and psych major in me. On my nightstand, besides the boyfriend's picture, is my copy of the complete Shakespeare. I bought it when I was 14 from London Drugs and I keep it there in case I had a panic attack and need to calm down. I can go in front of a crowd and talk about whatever, but the thought of going to a small party and making small talk freaks me out.
I am sure I had some point with this free flow but have veered off, lol. I guess it comes to down to...do what you need to so you can get up every morning with some glee. And, yes this piece is an offering in place of a book review. This heat is driving me to just waste my time on the computer. Going to go read some now...
k (My Novelesque Life)