Friday, 19 August 2016

Happy Rakhri!

I can feel that hard knot in my stomach build up again.  It is the one day of the year I dread for holidays - worse than Valentine's Day (single or not).  It is Rakhri day - a day that girls visit their brothers to cement their relationship of being siblings.  When I was kid, I didn't have brothers (or sisters) so my cousins would step in for the holiday.  A few years ago I just stopped participating.  I love my little cousins to bits, but since we started going to school we started to drift away.  In an emergency I wouldn't want to bother them and I am sure they feel the same - and they all have siblings who they probably call anyway.  My two older male cousins are kind but again when it comes to siblings meeting up they do so, just the three of them.  Being Indian we always say we are close as siblings but due to the fact we all lived a bit away from each other we drifted.  That's life.  YET, when shit goes down bad, we all hail home, differences aside. 

The boyfriend has a very close relationship with his brother.  They see each other twice a week to hang out and grew up being each other's best friend.  I remember several months into our relationship I told him he was lucky to have a brother. He was first going to joke, but then looked over at me and
saw that I was being completely serious and softly replied, "I know."  I remember that moment so
clearly because it was a moment we were vulnerable.  If  I am honest I did hope that I would have gotten close with his brother...or even one of my cousins, because I do miss the relationships of our youth. (More on this in later posts).

The last few years it has been easier to let go of this tradition because I had him, and he used to make me so calm that I forgot I was alone. I could unburden myself to someone who wanted to carry the load and my anxiety weighed less on my heart.  I miss that more than I want to admit.  When one overthinks all the time they need some help, lol.  Or read, and have imagined siblings. 

Today I woke feeling a bit low...then I heard from my two friends who know more about me than my own mom probably does.  I realized then that I am never alone.  No matter what is going on in their life and where they are...these two gals will contact me back in hours.  If they don't hear from me in a few days; or I write something I think I am masking myself well they call me on it.  They are always thinking I am better than I probably am, but also tell me the truth.  I have sisters.  Not by blood but by love and respect.  SO today while Indian girls are tying colourful strings on their brothers and getting money in blessing...I smiled all day long because I may not have brothers but I have the best soulmates as friends.

Sorry I don't have any book review today, but I spent some time playing a word game, listening to Let George Do It (Old Time Radio), watching Outlander and only some reading.



  1. I know the feeling, about holidays. I'm not a fan of mother's day or father's day. The former because I'll never be a mother and the pain is pretty raw. The latter because our father abandoned us. I just try to get through the day as it was any other. I also stay away from the internet and other outlets that serve as reminders. However, there have been some years that are better than others. This year was an easier year, hopefully they will continue that trend. :)

    1. Jen! I am so sorry to hear that but am glad it is becoming a bit easier. I find Mother's Day a bit difficult myself now as I get older and wonder if I will ever be a mom. And Father's Day was always hard when my dad was "busy". If you ever want a distraction on those days we can discuss books ;) hugs and kisses