Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Eighteen (and Three Quarters) Hours Left till my Birthday!



Tomorrow I turn THIRTY-SIX years old.  I am super grateful to be alive and mostly healthy.  As I have said in other posts, I am not where I thought I would be in life...and I am getting okay with that.  I am not good with too many changes or unpredictability.  So not knowing where I am going feels slightly uncomfortable.  Yet, I have met the most amazing people on this veered-off journey.  I have started writing and am actually going to enter a writing contest.  Win or lose...I can officially say I am a writer (in progress, anyway).  I have blogged for a full year and am meeting authors and publishers I have always admired.  I always thought I knew who I was and what I wanted...but this year I have vocalized it and am trying to live it.  I am trying to own my mistakes and learn from them rather than keep making them.  I am getting closer to liking the person I am - rather than always wanting to be perfect (for me and others).


One thing I do want to improve on in the next year is lose that defensiveness and not take criticism (good or bad) so personal. I need to watch how I say things because wanting some one to hear me shouldn't mean I need to make sarcastic mean remarks to get that attention.  I want to believe more in myself when it comes to "smartness".  Just because I am not intelligent in one area doesn't make me an imbecile.  While I enjoy my addiction to books and blogging I need to find a healthy activity as well...I would like to live another 36 years, and all.  I want to be a better person...to myself and others.  My biggest goal in the next year is going to be trying to get a piece of writing published.  I have these amazing kids in my life already, and maybe that's what I should be focusing on.  Whether I have kids or not - or get married or not - I'm leaving up to fate.  I have tried my part  the last seven years and I feel good with the decisions I have made - good or bad.  I can't wish someone to love me and see the potential in me.  I can't love someone enough for the both of us.  I also won't let someone be the yardstick to which I am measured against.

I am still nervous and anxious about it all, but with a great group of people behind me...I know I won't stumble too far.

k (My Novelesque Life)

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