Monday, 26 September 2016

Free Flow: Essay: Compromise, Communication and Compassion


Who says blogging about your feelings doesn't work?  The written word is mightier than we think.  The boyfriend, Derek has had a change of heart after hearing what I was saying about how I was feeling.  He, of course, does not completely agree with everything (especially some of the stuff I was too truthful about regarding his mother.  Then again, I am not sure I can be objective about my mom either).  After trying to be with someone different he realized one thing...being with some new doesn't mean that things are different.  He still had his debts, but this time the person in his life was not there to help or lend money on the fly.  He still lives at home...and realizing that when he was away from his house at this person's house things were better. Things were less stressful when there is just you two in a relationship.  Seeing in print how his words - promises and vows - meant to me and the values I held for us and myself he is coming to see how good he had it.  Having someone in your life that makes your life easier and does things your way so that you have the pressure off, you sometimes take it for granted that everyone else will too. Alas, there was no grand gesture (holding bouquet of flowers in the rain...with a large to-go cup of tea) but a man that can admit his mistakes and listen to you is something I have come to appreciate more.  Anyone can make grand gestures but it is communication, compromise and compassion that are the keys to make it work - and be adults.

I know what you are thinking, but I swear I did not give in.  There are certain things that are important to me - reading and reviewing and writing fiction and essays.  I have compromised that I will not write about him, his family or us as long as we are together.  I am okay with that because he is compromising on supporting my passion and he will try to read my stuff even when he doesn't get the appeal.  We have decided that we will move in together (and alone) once he can make the commitment of getting a ring.  I may be a feminist but to move in with someone I need to know there is some commitment.  I don't want to be left alone holding the bag.  As we live apart we have decided to compromise by taking turns seeing each other as he sees how much I had done in the past coming to him and stay at his place.  The fact he acknowledged this and appreciates it makes it all worth the time in traffic and high gas prices, lol! The best part is that he wants to grow forward and we have set up a financial plan separate of our relationship.  I don't know if things will continue like this - communicating, compromising, and being compassionate of the other person's feelings.  But you have to forgive and give people chances.

It was Derek who strongly encouraged me to reconnect with my dad.  Derek and I grew up in similar backgrounds, and so did my dad...you have to end the cycle somewhere.  He pushed me to forgive and be compassionate to him and so I can do this for him...and give him a chance.  I know some people will think we are being unrealistic...but I want to know I have done everything I could to be with the person I love and want to spend the rest of my life laughing with and collecting odd things only we love! This year has been about discovering myself and taking risks...if I don't keep you posted then you know things are good.

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