Friday, 7 October 2016

Essay Rant Today, Holiday Review Tomorrow!


Found on Google Images

Guess what is coming up soon in Canada? Thanksgiving! And, tomorrow I will have some reviews for Thanksgiving picture books :) Now on to the essay rant...

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Let's be honest, I have never really thought about Donald Trump until he was seriously running for President.  When he first announced it, it was like Kim Kardashian becoming a feminist and doing good for others.  I chuckled to myself until it was said he is really running to be the President of the  US.  At first I was just annoyed that we would have to see him on TV and listen to him spouting outrageous venom.  Then I came to realize that there are people who believe in his propaganda.  Did we learn nothing from Hitler's rise to power in Germany?  How is this happening in this day and age. 

At times I feel like the world is going backwards.  I felt more safe in the 1990s being a person of colour than I do now.  The amount of black men, and women, dying in America by Americans is shocking, but also terrifying.  I've heard it said, by men, of course, that it's a woman's world.  I will agree with that once women are paid the exact same amount for the exact same job with the exact same duties and responsibilities.  If a woman can live in a world where they can walk out the door without any fear of rape, I will believe that Feminists have won.  It is not about women being "allowed" into the police force, but about women "not" being sexually harassed in the name of fraternity. And, voting or standing by Donald Trump only means we will be making the landscape more of toxic and horrifying for any generation.

Found on Google Images
It sometimes takes seeing evil for us to stand up and make a difference.  I hate confrontation so I stay away from a strong opinion.  I like being a mediator as I hate conflict between others.  Therefore, I can be too easy going in some respects.  I am trying to break away from that and become a stronger person by standing up for what I believe in and doing things I want to do.   It starts with the small things.  This Spring I refused to always go to Derek's house when we want to hang out and voiced what I wanted for my, and our, future.  It brought a lot of conflict and confrontations.  The last five years have been the most heartbreaking, frustrating, exciting and new for me.  Derek was there for it all, and the first person I loved.  I thought if I loved him I would always go along with things and forgive him for things so we could move on.  Going along with things I didn't always want to do or feel comfortable with made me resentful - of myself and him.  So I stood up for what I wanted. 

I can't say things magically worked out because they didn't...they haven't.  Derek wants that person that I felt was my weakest moments.  I don't think I can go back to being that person as I have grown so much. I wrongly blame him for not loving me as I am now, just because I love him, then and now. I wrongly blame myself because I want to be the woman he wants but also resent myself for forgiving him when he cheated and betrayed us.  Frustrated at myself for wanting to be loved so much by this person that I always sweep away the signs.  How can I expect people to see Donald Trump for the misogynist, racist  he is when I make excuses for the man in my life?

Found on Google Images
For the past 4 years I have attended Derek's place for Thanksgiving.  His mother picks the day that Derek's sister-in-law can come (ie: when the sister-in-law is not having Thanksgiving at her mom's) and so my parents put Thanksgiving off till Halloween to be accommodating.  This year, I have decided to throw Thanksgiving with my parents ON Thanksgiving.  I am very excited to cook and bake for my chosen family.  Derek, of course, is invited and we will see if he comes over (I will miss spending that day with him, but not just being an extra person at dinner)...but either way I will have a good time because I am spending it with people I care for and know like me whether I am the lost-Kris they met or the stronger-Kris I am now.  I know I must frustrate a lot of you by not being more kick-ass towards Derek.  But know I choose me today.  And, my plan is to choose me tomorrow. 

k

2 comments:

  1. First, you NEVER frustrate me.

    Next, I LOVE that quote you've illustrated. It's perfect.

    Lastly and certainly not least, YAY for choosing YOU!

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    Replies
    1. 💜💜💜 Thank you! I'm getting there :)

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