Saturday, 22 October 2016

Future of My Novelesque Life


As you may, or may not, have noticed I have been absent for a few weeks.  I am at this time trying to figure out what exactly I want from this blog.  When I first started this blog, it was just a fun thing to do by sharing my thoughts on books I am/have been reading.  It brought me happiness and helped me gain confidence. While I was getting myself back, I was also finding myself immersed in feminist, social and racial justice.  And, yet I still had this other part of me trying to do everything to keep my relationship with Derek still functioning.  While I always wear my heart on my sleeve, I also bared things I never spoke out loud to anyone else.  As my heart was breaking my soul was mending.  I found myself inspired and I started a writing blog.  I was going to keep it anonymous and distant it from this blog. For 36 years I have kept my true feelings to myself in order to get along in society and with people.  For 5 years I kept every moment of my relationship a secret from people because I was ashamed of how I acted, and that I was keeping it a secret because he asked me to.  I have been getting great feedback with both aspect of my blog, but I am not sure if keeping it as one blog is the best way to showcase myself.  I have been reading and taking notes for reviews but have been feeling a bit overwhelmed by my personal emotions.  For five years I have been planning to marry Derek and create a future.  I saw myself as being in Admissions for Universities for the rest of my career. And, him being hired by his uncle to work as an apprentice for his electrician company.   I wasn't planning to be where I am today.  While I am mostly happy with how things are going NOW, I cannot force my heart to just mend.  Nor am I a person that can just get over things and not worry.  For me I always thought that Derek and I would be tied together because of love and him being my first for everything to do with love he promised me he would be there.  And, now we are tied together because I still feel the same way and he owes me a large amount of money. I am not forcing the legalities as he has to pay for schooling soon.  His uncle who owns the company he works for won't help with the investment, so I decided that I would try and make his life easier...but it has made mine a bit tougher with just a part-time job at the library ( I am hoping that will become full time). I am a saver and survivor so I don't worry so much about me.

I am giving myself a break.  For the next several weeks I am going to be editing my blog and trying to figure out how to separate and yet keep my writing and blogging together. And, I am taking every extra shift at work I can.   Thank you for patience and I PROMISE my the new year  I will have us sorted out.  I will have Halloween Book reviews this week - old and new!


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